The one and only DJ Krusher checks in with his weekly blog, this week including a little on his route into the music industry. Read all about the movings and shakings at this week’s Krusher club night at London’s The Embassy Club every Monday.

Krusher is Classic Rock’s brand new club night at London’s Embassy Club, every Monday night. Featuring reduced drink prices and the very best tunes being spun through the venue’s state of the art sound-system, Monday nights have never rocked harder!

Wiithout further pondering, here’s the man himself with a blow-by-blow account of this week’s action and debauchary!

Oh the suffering, the horror, the debauchery, the sheer bloody punctuality of birthdays!!!

And it came to pass, that on Saturday, 11th April in the year of our Rock 2009, I, Stephen George Falkoner Fuckpig Krusher Joule reached the ripe, messy and mushy age of 4,355 and to celebrate this momentous achievement I decided to reform my legendary and very unhygienic band Pighorn to play at my birthday blow out at the Embassy Klub rock night.

We hadn’t performed in fifteen years and had caused so much pain and grief in the past, not only to the audience and ourselves, but also to some truly classic songs.

Pighorn was a true band of the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s reflecting not only the trends and fashions of those halcyon years, but actually leading the way in style and culture.

The original band consisted of 13 guitarists, 3 bass players, 1 drummer, 1 bottle opener and the dulcet vocals of myself.

Songs written all consisted of brain splitting chaos with death metal vocals, the only song anyone can remember is the 26 minute ‘Pigkiller’, an ode to the wondrous workings of Mother Nature.

However things took a nasty turn at the bands second rehearsal when fellow band co-founder Arse Bacon insisted that the bands name be changed to Potters Wheel and the music should take on a more progressive folk element. In the end it was decided that the band was to be called Pighorn featuring Potters Wheel, but due to various bowel complaints and horticultural differences the band decided to split and it wasn’t until this year that I came out of rocktirement vowing to put Pighorn back together and to go forth and multiply.

I hired a bunch of lowlife, down and outs whose musical careers had been wasted on women, whiskey and cheap tranquilisers, their names and instruments were Arse Beard 1, guitar and surgical stockings, Arse Beard 2, drums and dribbling, Arse Beard 3 guitar and flatulence and finally Arse Beard 4 on bass, hearing aid and always fired on stage.

So it was rather fitting that Easter Monday was be the day that Pighorn rolled away the stone and emerged from their cave to entertain you once more in only the way Pighorn can!!

The set consisted of the traditional folk song ‘Katcheth Us If You Kan’, followed by Pighorn originals ‘Let There Be Socks’, ‘The One In Wales’ and finishing with another David Clarke the Fifth traditional lament ‘Glad It’s Foookin’ Over’, and the audience certainly were and although some numbskull shouted out for more the band was already out of the building and leaving in a fleet of ambulances!!

Which brings us to the real stars of the night Uncle Rotter, consisting of lead guitarists General Slave and Twiggy Bang Bang, Venom Rotter on rhthym guitar, Dr.T (M.D.) on bass, tom tom tickler Ramirez Rotter and of course Uncle himself on vocals, who showed Pighorn and the audience how it should really be done.

Kicking off with the transcendant beauty of ‘Alien Sex Farm’, ‘Glitter Queen’ and ‘Cereal Killer’ (no relation of the Green Jello tune) they brought the audience to their feet and in some cases premature ejaculation and not even giving them time to wipe themselves clean they launched like nuclear warheads into ‘Severe Perver’, ‘Devils Work’, the anthemic ‘Your Mum’s Red Hot Even Though She’s Stone Cold Dead’ and ‘Auto Asphyxiation Circle Jerk Suicide Pact’.

Then came a series of educational songs ‘Don’t Smoke Crack (Snort It From Your Dead Mum’s Pussy)’, ‘What D’ya Fucking Mean You Don’t Like Clowns’, ‘Babysitter Splitter’ and ‘Tall Girls In New Rocks’.

Returning to encore with ‘I Wanna Cut Out And Keep The Eyes Of P.J.Soles’ and one of the finest songs ever to be written ‘Fit Goth Chicks (On The End Of My Dick)’, sheer unadulterated poetry of the finest quality that left the audience salivating like Pavlov dogs.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank Angel Infernus and Andy Evil Eye for providing DJ sets of the finest quality which resulted in exploding pants on the dance floor, the Jaegerettes and also to your fine selves for hauling your arses out on a Monday night and rocking harder, heavier and more animal than I’ve seen in a long while.

Next week, Monday, 20th April is Killer Surprise Party week, and believe me it’s going to be KILLER, I’m limited to only 100 people on the night as 300 other people have already been invited and will be showing up, so get there early or forever be a powerslave!!!

Entertainment will be provided  by magician Jon Randall who will perform twice on the night, oooooerrrrr missus, one of which will be the astounding Houdini Séance!!!!

Music is from the first class covers band Netherworld and Andy Evil Eye and myself will be spinning the magic silver discs.

Hope to see you there, now wipe that chocolate off your gobs and go and tidy your rooms!!!
Muuuuuuuuuuhahahahahahahahhaha!!!!