Apologies for not bringing this to your attention sooner, but what with the snow and everything we’ve only just got around to reading last Sunday’s papers.

Anyhow, The Sunday Times has been running an alleged ‘definitive guide to today’s music scene’ in their highbrow Culture section.

In last Sunday’s final instalment of the series, they finally got around to covering heavy metal.

A somewhat clueless geezer by the name of Rob Nash had this to say:

‘Not many acts can sell 10m albums in a month, but towards the end of last year, the 35-year-old Anglo-Australian rock band AC/DC sold 5m copies of their new record and chucked in 5m units of back catalogue for good measure.

‘Their success was emblematic of an era dominated by the old guard: the long-awaited returns of Metallica and Guns N’ Roses were the big stories in heavy metal, as well as Led Zeppelin’s one-off reunion at the end of 2007.

‘American thrash band Testament even won Metal Hammer’s 2008 album-of-the-year award, after a quarter of a century in the business.

‘Don’t think, though, that this is a heritage genre: the combination of old masters and a legion of younger bands means headbangers have never had it so good.

‘And metal certainly is heavy these days: Metallica’s recent offering, for instance, had all the scorching intensity of their 1980s work.

‘Perhaps even more notable is the rise of math metal, which combines ferocious noise levels with tricky time signatures and advanced technique, as if to expunge the memory of nu-metal’s dumb formulas.

‘Essential recordings. Recent: Mastodon, Blood Mountain (2006), Metallica, Death Magnetic (2008), Meshuggah, ObZen (2008). Classic: Black Sabbath, Paranoid (1971), AC/DC, Back In Black (1980), Motorhead, Not Sleep Til Hammersmith (1981). Key track: Tool, Vicarious (2006).’

There are so many things wrong with Nash’s missive, we don’t know where to start.

AC/DC a metal band? Guns N’ Roses a metal band? Led Zeppelin a metal band? Tool’s Vicarious a key track? Metal certainly is heavy these days? The rise of math metal?

Give us strength…

Nevertheless, Nash’s nonsensical rambliongs got us thinking: if YOU had to chose just a single track to sum up the entire heavy metal genre, what would it be? Post your comments!