The new issue of Classic Rock features a rundown of the 50 Worst Albums Ever.

From incomprehensibly awful solo records to ill-advised dabblings with gay disco, it’s a litany of disaster that shows exactly what happens when albums go bad. Inside the issue, you can find the likes of Kiss’s Gene Simmons, Queen’s Brian May and Keith Emerson of ELP defending – or in some cases, apologising for – their actions.

Over the next few days, we’ll take a closer look at all 50 of these solid gold stinkers here on the Classic Rock website. And once you’ve taken these frankly indigestible offerings, we you to tell us what your worst albums are.

Day 3 of our series is dedicated to the crappest covers albums ever unleashed on the world. Strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

Check out Day 1 here and Day 2 here.

1 Ozzy Osbourne – Under Cover
Gawd bless Ozzy – he’s a national treasure. But somebody should have had a word with him before he decided to cover – well, murder – the likes of King Crimson’s 21st Century Schizoid Man and Mott The Hoople’s All The Young Dudes. You can read Ozzy’s attempts to explain away the new album in the current issue of Classic Rock.

Redeeming track: A surprisingly heartfelt version of John Lennon’s Working Class Hero. Sadly, that’s not on YouTube, so here’s him having a bash at The Beatles’ In My Life.

2 Guns N’ Roses – The Spaghetti Incident?
The year is 1993 and you’re the biggest band in the world. What do you do? If you’re Guns N’ Roses, you record a collection of half-arsed covers of songs by the likes of the Misfits and The UK Subs. Oh, and you throw in a ‘controversial’ rhumba-paced cover of Charles Manson’s Look At Your Game, Girl for good measure. Cheers, Axl!

Redeeming track: Duff McKagan’s sozzled take on Johnny Thunders’ You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory. Go, pissed bass fella!

3 Bon Jovi – This Left Feels Right
There was nothing wrong with their titanic pop rock anthems, but they decided to break them anyway. Cue a stripped-down acoustic album in which the ‘Jove’ tackle their own back catalogue. Badly. If you’ve ever wondered what You Give Love A Bad Name would sound like if it was reimagined as a stripped-down duet with D-list actress Olivia D’Abo, here’s your answer: rubbish.

Redeeming track: Blood On Blood – and even that only appears on the bonus DVD!

4 Scott Weiland – The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
You’d have thought the Scott Weiland and all things white and powdery would have been a marriage made in heaven. Oh no – this absolutely hatstand album of ‘festive’ covers is possibly the craziest thing he’s ever done. And that’s saying something. Don’t believe us? How about a reggae version of O! Holy Night.

Redeeming track: His Sinatra-tastic version of White Christmas.

Now it’s your turn. We want you to tell us the albums you think are worse than the ones on our list. Email your nomination, with a few words as to why it’s such a stinker, to classicrock@futurenet.com, headed ‘The Real Worst Album Ever’. We’ll print the best suggestions in the next issue of Classic Rock.

Come back tomorrow for more on the 50 Worst Albums Ever. The new issue of Classic Rock, featuring the full list of all 50 albums, is out now.

The new issue of Classic Rock features a rundown of the 50 Worst Albums Ever. From incomprehensibly awful solo records to ill-advised dabblings with gay disco, it’s a litany of disaster that shows exactly what happens when albums go bad.

Inside the issue you’ll find the likes of Kiss’s Gene Simmons, Queen’s Brian May and Keith Emerson of ELP defending – or, in some cases, apologising for – their actions.

Over the next few days we’ll take a closer look at all 50 of these solid-gold stinkers here on the Classic Rock website. And once you’ve taken in these frankly indigestible offerings, we want you to tell us what your worst albums are.

Day 2 of our series features the most senseless solo albums ever unleashed on the populace. Strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

You can also check out Day 1’s criminal concept albums here.

1 Keith Moon – Two Sides Of The Moon

Yes, he was a great drummer. But when it came to writing songs he was certainly no Pete Townshend. Moon The Loon’s ill-advised debut solo album from 1975 is a drunken mess, featuring bad doo-wop pastiches, Beatles covers… and an S&M suite in the studio. The full, inglorious story is in the latest issue of Classic Rock, but you can hear a taster here in the shape of his karaoke-tastic take on The Beatles’ In My Life.

Redeeming track: Crazy Like A Fox, co-written with guitarist Al Staehley.

2 Mick Jagger – Primitive Cool

Jagger is one of the great rock frontmen. At least he is with The Rolling Stones. His shonky solo albums are another matter – not least this wince-inducingly bad 1985 turkey. Where’s Keith when you need him, eh?

Redeeming track: Peace For The Wicked just about passes muster. Sadly it’s not on YouTube, so here’s a clip of the Stones playing a blistering version of Street Fighting Man in Belgium in 1973.

3 Gene Simmons – Asshole

The title track is bad enough, and Waiting For The Morning Light, his co-write with Bob Dylan, sounds like it was knocked off in five minutes. But those two sound like beacons of glory next to his granddad-at-the-disco version of Firestarter. Yes, that’s Firestarter by The Prodigy.

Redeeming track: Kiss-esque rocker Sweet & Dirty Love. Mainly because he wrote it for Kiss in 1976.

4 George Harrison – Gone Troppo

John Lennon made Two Virgins, and Paul McCartney was behind Give My Regards To Broad Street. But Harrison stole the Worst Solo Album By One Of The Beatles award for this heroically slapdash twaddle.

Reedeming track: Circles, written by Harrison while he was still in The Beatles.

Now it’s your turn. We want you to tell us the albums you think are worse than the ones on our list. Email your nomination, with a few words as to why it’s such a stinker, to classicrock@futurenet.com, headed ‘The Real Worst Album Ever’. We’ll print the best suggestions in the next issue of Classic Rock.

Come back tomorrow for more on the 50 Worst Albums Ever.

The new issue of Classic Rock, featuring the full list of all 50 albums, is out now.

The new issue of Classic Rock features a rundown of the 50 Worst Albums Ever. From incomprehensibly awful solo records to ill-advised dabblings with gay disco, it’s a litany of disaster that shows exactly what happens when albums go bad.

Inside the issue you’ll find the likes of Kiss’s Gene Simmons, Queen’s Brian May and Keith Emerson of ELP defending – or, in some cases, apologising for – their actions.

Over the next few days we’ll take a closer look at all 50 of these solid-gold stinkers here on the Classic Rock website.

First up are the most criminal concept albums ever unleashed on the world. Fasten your seat belt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

1 Kiss – Music From ‘The Elder’

The Pan-Stik’d rock titans dropped a bollock the size of Jupiter with this bafflingly bad tale of one boy’s standagainst extra-terrestrial invaders. So embarrassing that Ace Frehley left the band soon afterwards. Gene Simmons puts the record straight in the new issue of Classic Rock, but here’s the God Of Thunder’s uber-syrupy ballad A World Without Heroes – closer to Diana Ross than Kiss!
Redeeming Track: Not much to choose from, although at least The Oath kicked something approaching arse.

2 Billy Idol – Cyberpunk

Oh, William, what were you thinking when you recorded this honkingly terrible electro-rock concept album inspired by Neuromancer and ‘the interweb’? If you ever wondered what arena rock would sound like if it was played through an old ZX Spectrum, first single Shock To The System provided the answer: terrible.
Redeeming Track: The Happy Mondays-go-rock cover of the Velvet Underground’s Heroin. If only for comedy value.

3 Jon Anderson – Olias Of Sunhillow

What was the problem with the Yes singer’s 1976 solo album? Was it the hobbits-from-outer space storyline? Was it Anderson’s kettle-whistle voice? Was it the awful cover? Nope, it was the songs. They were shit. Here’s a frankly barmy taster. Warning: contains warbling.
Redeeming Track: Uncharacteristically restrained closer To The Runner.

4 Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, The Bee Gees and more – Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band: OST

No matter how much you might hate Paul ‘Thumbs Aloft’ McCartney or Ringo ‘Bearded Berk’ Starr, the poor fellas did nothing to deserve this 1977 all-star mugging of The Beatles’ classic album for an equally risible film. Alice Cooper and Peter Frampton lined up alongside the Bee Gees, Paul ‘Just Good Friends’ Nicholas and – oh yes – Frankie Howerd doing When I’m 64.
Redeeming Track: Aerosmith made a decent fist of Come Together, ensuring they emerged from the debacle with their reputation intact.

Now it’s your turn. We want you to tell us the albums you think are worse than the ones on our list. Email your nomination with a few words as to why it’s such a stinker to classicrock@futurenet.com, headed ‘The Real Worst Album Ever’. We’ll print the best suggestions in next month’s issue of Classic Rock.

Come back tomorrow for more on The 50 Worst Albums Ever.

The new issue of Classic Rock, featuring the full list of all 50 albums, is out now.

The brand new Classic Rock also comes with a brilliant FREE CD, featuring 17 immense new bands for 2012, hand-picked from the US, UK, Spain, Brazil, Australia – and even France. Get set to familiarise youself with bands such as Blue Snaggletooth, Exit Wound (ouch!), The Plastic Boots, Venomous Maximus, The Buzzos and many more…

For our cover story, we celebrate the wild life and tragic death of Randy Rhoads, rock’s most enigmatic guitarist. Thirty years on from his sad demise, we reveal the full untold story of Ozzy’s lost axe hero, from six-string prodigy with Quiet Riot to the Prince Of Darkness’ highly prized wingman.

Elsewhere in the issue:

Genesis – Part two of our epic feature. From “They’ll be nothing now that Peter Gabriel’s left”, to the global hit-making phenomenon that conquered the world and defined 80s rock.

Stretch – Were they doomed from the start by their involvement in one of the strangest chapters in music history – the mysterious case of ‘the fake Fleetwood Mac’?

The Doors – Doors guitarist/songwriter Robby Krieger on some old, new, borrowed and blues favourites from the Doors catalogue.

Blue Öyster Cult – S&M gear, kinky sex and crazed motorcycle gangs. The story of the birth of metal’s greatest pranksters.

Smashing Pumpkins – Mainman Billy Corgan says he’s “the best songwriter of my generation” and a perpetual “outsider”. His detractors say he’s “a baldy twat”. Would the real Billy Corgan step forward…

Tyla – From rock’n’roll Charles Bukowski to boho renaissance man. But Dogs D’Amour’s vagabond-in-chief had to go through drink, drugs and public mutilation to get to where he is now.

The 50 Worst Albums Ever – From ill-advised disco dabblings to cringeworthy covers, these are the records that absolutely nobody should own, including stinkers by Kiss, Ozzy Osbourne, Queen, ELP, the Stones, Van Halen, Black Sabbath, AC/DC and Aerosmith.

Chris Squire – The Yes bassist on near-deaths, money squandered, and being the only member of Yes who’s never left.

Van Halen – Behind the scenes at their recent comeback gig at the tiny Cafe Wha? in New York.

All this and more in the March edition of Classic Rock (issue No.168), on sale now.

Randy Rhoads (and Ozzy) are the cover stars of the new issue of Classic Rock.

A wealth of new bands (but no John Bonham drum solos) on our free CD.

The Cult Fan Pack will include a special edition of Choice Of Weapon plus a 132-page magazine. The Fan Pack version of Choice Of Weapon comes with 10 brand new studio tracks plus two live bonus tracks, exclusive to this edition.

The Fan Pack magazine contains a major, all-new interview with The Cult’s mainmen Ian Astbury and Billy Duffy, plus fellow band members Chris Wyse and John Tempest, with a wealth of exclusive, never-before-seen pictures of the band and the story behind the making of the album.

For Choice Of Weapon, long-time Cult collaborator and producer Bob Rock – who produced one of The Cult’s most successful albums, the platinum-certified Sonic Temple – put the finishing touches on the sonic foundations laid by co-producer Chris Goss (Queens Of The Stone Age, U.N.K.L.E., Masters Of Reality).

Choice Of Weapon was written by Astbury and Duffy, and recorded in New York City, Los Angeles, the California high desert, and the band’s Witch Mountain studios in the Hollywood Hills between July and December 2011.

With a rich history to cover and a forward-looking attitude to savour, The Cult Choice Of Weapon Fan Pack is a Cult collectible that’s a must for all fans of the band.

Tracklisting: 1. Honey From A Knife (3.06) 2. Elemental Light (4.46) 3. The Wolf (3.33) 4. Life > Death (5.33) 5. For The Animals (4.28) 6. Amnesia (3.02) 7. Wilderness Now (4.33) 8. Lucifer (4.40) 9. A Pale Horse (3.14) 10. This Night In The City Forever (4.45)
+ Two live bonus tracks

The Fan Pack goes on sale May 14, a full three weeks before the actual album release.

And if you want to get a taste of what to expect from the new album, The Cult are giving away the song Lucifer from 2pm UK time today (Tuesday, January 31). Download it for free here.

Click here to pre-order your copy of The Cult Choice Of Weapon Fan Pack.

You daren’t miss a story we’ve dubbed ‘Joe Bonamassa’s Quiet Revolution’. Discovered at 14, mentored by the greats, screwed by the music business, now Joe is getting his revenge. Could this be the beginning of Massa hysteria?

Issue No.167 of Classic Rock also comes with two fabulous gifts:

1. A FREE BOOK! Fill Your Head With Rock: a 100-page selection of the world’s best rock writing featuring The Rolling Stones, Journey, Deep Purple, Ace Frehley, The Beatles, Joan Jett, The Kinks, Cream and more.

2. A 12-TRACK ‘BEST OF JOE BONAMASSA’ CD! From The Ballad Of John Henry via Blue And Evil to Black Country Communion’s One Last Soul, every track has been hand-picked by producer Kevin Shirley and our good selves at CR.

Elsewhere in the issue:

2012 Album Previews – Check out our ultimate guide to the biggest and best albums coming your way in the New Year. Aerosmith, Thin Lizzy, Slash, Kiss, Black Sabbath, Gaslight Anthem, ZZ Top, The Darkness and more tell us what you can expect from their hot upcoming releases. It might only be January, but 2012 is already shaping up to be a classic year…

Genesis – In the first part of a Classic Rock exclusive, all the members of the classic Genesis line-up (including Phil Collins!) look back on an illustrious 45-year career.

Bauhaus – Labelled the Godfathers Of Goth, it was the conflict within the band that fuelled their creativity.

Sensational Alex Harvey Band – Alex’s last years, the making of the final SAHB album, and how a series of tragedies derailed one of rock’s greatest performers.

Screaming Trees – They could have been contenders, but they were taken down by drugs, battered livers – and epic brawls among themselves. This is the story of grunge’s great lost band.

Meat Loaf – Will he ever sing again? Will he work with Jim Steinman again? Is time running out? The big man answers these big questions – and more.

Twisted Sister Vs PMRC – It was the biggest music battle of the 80s when TS frontman Dee Snider and his unlikely bedfellows, Frank Zappa and John Denver, took on the US government.

Swan Song Records – With a small but well-chosen roster, Led Zeppelin’s label was far from being the vanity project that some feared.

Randy Bachman – “Every male on the earth should be reincarnated as a woman, and every woman as a guy.” RB gets into overdrive on fame, health and death.

All this and more in the newest edition of Classic Rock, on sale right this minute.

DON’T FORGET THAT DIGITAL EDITIONS OF CLASSIC ROCK ARE NOW AVAILABLE. GO HERE TO GRAB THE LATEST ISSUE.

The cover of CR issue No.167. Below: our exclusive free Joe Bonamassa CD.

Punk pioneers The Vibrators have teamed with Lovehoney, the sexual happiness people, to create the Buzzin’ Bullet Vibrator.

Eddie Edwards, drummer and founding member of The Vibrators, says:

“The Buzzin’ Bullets cause a stir at the merch stand. People have been saying we should sell these for years and now we are up to speed on it. It was cool to hook up with Lovehoney, a company who know so much about the band and who have the right, fun attitude to the product – a good coming together, you could say.”

The Buzzin’ Bullet is a three-speed vibrator that comes in its own gig-proof coffin case made from black metal to keep it safe in the mosh pit.

We’ve got 10 Buzzin’ Bullets to give away. Go here to enter the competition.

Can’t wait? Get your Buzzin’ Bullet from Lovehoney.co.uk today.

The Vibrators will be embarking on a European tour in January 2012.

Geoff Barton interviews guitarists Laurie Wisefield and Micky Moody of Snakecharmer – the new combo that also features Chris Ousey on vocals, Neil Murray on bass, Adam Wakeman on keyboards and Harry James on drums.

Besides Snakecharmer, Wisefield talks about playing in Wishbone Ash in the 1970s – not to mention his time in Tina Turner’s band, his longstanding contribution to Queen’s We Will Rock You musical… and his memories of supporting Led Zeppelin.

Moody, meanwhile, recalls his career in the ‘classic’ Whitesnake line-up, reveals what it was like being in a band with a 14-year-old Paul Rodgers – and spills the beans on the sordid story behind Belgian Tom’s Hat Trick.

Click here to listen or right click and ‘Save Target As’ to download

Joel McIver’s tale of the making of 1970’s In Rock, the first studio album to feature the MK II line-up of Deep Purple, was originally published in Classic Rock in summer 2005.

Go here to read this superb story online via the Classic Rock Archive: http://bit.ly/tVooPX

Living Legend

Winner: Jeff Beck

Jeff you’ve just come offstage after being presented with the Living Legend award and having performed a live set with vocal contributions from Chrissie Hynde and Joss Stone. Can you sum up your feelings?

I didn’t see the entire awards but I thought Gene Simmons did a grand job [as MC]. When I played, I was shitting my pants as it was the first time with a new line-up, and because Roger [Taylor from Queen, who presented the award] was in the audience. Also all of the other dudes in the crowd; the metal dudes.

You must be accustomed to playing to rooms full of fellow musicians by now, but that was to the millionth degree.

[Laughing]: The stress factor was incredibly high, let’s just say that.

How do you feel about the title of Living Legend?

I’m thrilled to bits. My career seems to have snowballed again during the last couple of years. Don’t get me wrong, I have been working very hard but I’ve made myself known in places that I’ve never been before. It’s definitely been worth it.

In accepting the event’s top award you join a club that includes Lemmy (2005), Alice Cooper (’06), Jimmy Page (’07), Ozzy Osbourne (’08), Iggy Pop (’09) and Rush (2010).

Yeah. The ironic thing is that I’m nothing to do with that kind of music [traditional hard rock]. It’s kind of wacky. I had quite a lot to do with its origins, but it’s not something I’m doing now.

With a career that’s edging towards half a decade in duration, is there a secret to staying in the business – remaining a star – for so long?

Being frightened, I think.

Care to elaborate upon that?

Well, Groucho Marx was the world’s most successful comedian. Thanks to the Marx Brothers films he was mega-rich. And every night he used to go home for tea from the studio and tell his wife: ‘It could all finish tomorrow’. [Bursts out laughing]. I can imagine him saying that, with cigar between his teeth. His wife would reply: ‘Don’t be silly, dear’. But Groucho’s mantra is something that I’ve followed.

What are your plans for the immediate future?

Well, Veronica [Bellino, drummer] is over here and we’re going to record. I want to do the power-trio thing, but with a whole modern spin. It’s time for me to stand up and do something special.

There are also whispers of you collaborating with Percy…?

[Sounding confused]: Percy?

Percy Plant… as in Robert.

Oh, that Percy. [Laughs]. Yes, absolutely. I bump into him a lot. It always sounds like a load of empty twaddle when you talk about something [so potentially important] at an industry party. I’ll let him make a move. But if he wants to do it I’d be very, very happy.

Finally, is there anyone to whom you’d like to dedicate the award?

Golly… just to the fans, I suppose. You can have the best roadies or manager in the world but the fans are what makes it really happen. I’ve got such faithful ones, and they’ve been with me for so long. They’re the messengers of this music. Some of the things that people say to me are so tear-jerking, it’s astonishing. So, whether they’re a pain in the ass or not, this one is for the fans.

(Interview: Dave Ling)

The awards issue of Classic Rock is on sale now.
Buy the digital edition here http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/id451398560?mt=8&affId=1621074&ign-mpt=uo%3D6 or here http://bit.ly/sQiaRB
Zinio editions are available here http://bit.ly/ukyn52 or here http://bit.ly/rAwV8P